**about me**hi. I'm 21. I'm actually not as self-absorbed as it seems from entries here; I do have actual hopes, ambitions, interests, other thoughts and a whole 'nother life outside of this. But I stick to one topic here. This is a livejournal used for a purpose-- my issues with an my active/inactive on-and-off again eating disorder. it's for myself, and basically the only place I can vent and get support from people who are going through the same thing. I don't support the whole "pro-ana/mia" movement (an eating disorder is not something anyone should strive for), nor do I call these disorders by their personified names. You won't find any of that nonsense here. most things in here are public, because misery loves company and all that jazz.
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I used to have my "stats" on here, but since I have recovered and since relapsed a few times, I will no longer keep track on my info. however, for information's sake, I will say that I am 5'7", at my lowest point, I was 95 lbs, went through recovery, and have since fallen back into old habits. This is the second time I've relapsed. Also, I'd like to point out for anyone who has a misunderstanding about the stereotypes of linking vegetarianism/veganism with EDs... I have been an animal rights activist way before I ever had a full-blown eating disorder. They are mutually exclusive and my ethics of being vegan have nothing to do with my disease. In fact, animal rights and veganism are a strong holding force that help me from falling apart-- my passion for the movement and ethical beliefs keeps me gives me a reason to wake up every day, on many days in the past where I contemplated not doing it.
**Disclaimer**
I don't pretend to have an eating disorder. I struggle with it every day of my life. I have been living in this up and down torture chamber called an anorexic mind for years now. When I'm at my worst-- I'm obsessed with food, control and constantly battle with myself. There are periods I go through when I feel like it's all been resolved, and then it comes back and the cycle starts over again. I am a perfectionist, bottom line. I'm not trying to have an ED, that's ridiculous. I'm trying to remain sane, but it's hard when your views toward food, health, nutrition and normality are so skewed that you can't even function enough to get through a day without feeling worthless because of a basic human need-- nourishment. so, with that said, this journal is used for myself to monitor everything and to get support through communities. and no, I don't want your free therapy or psychiatric diagnosis, so keep it to yourself please. and if I offend you by being who I am-- fuck off.
**Support**
If you are one of my buddies in any of the communities I'm in, or if you have found me somehow and think we have things in common- feel free to e-mail, IM me or drop me a comment here anytime you need somebody. You can't go through this alone; no one can. However I must warn you, I don't put up with immature bullshit. I try to be accepting of everyone but I can't make any promises. Therefore if you are one of those "I really just need to drop x amount of lbs in x amount of days, please tell me how to lose weight fast!" or if you expect me to congratulate you on purging for the day or eating nothing, then you are looking to the wrong person.
if you want, befriend me
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